Bill O’Reilly Is A Poet

Bill O’Reilly’s “WE’LL DO IT LIVE” meltdown on the set of Inside Edition is a video that stands the test of time. For the past decade or so that it’s existed on YouTube, “Fuck it, we’ll do it live” has been one of my go to refrains at work (in television news, naturally) or in life (the phrase can apply to so many situations).

I have a friend at NPR who’s quite the amateur poet. He occasionally takes the beginnings of my actual emails to a giant work group and turns them into poems. They are inspired. And hilarious. On this occasion of Bill O’Reilly’s firing from Fox, said friend one-upped himself and realized O’Reilly’s famous “DO IT LIVE” rant is a poem in it of itself. Herewith:


By Bill O’Reilly

thats tomorrow
that is it for us today

I don’t know
whatever it is
its not right on the

I don’t know what it is
I’ve never seen that

but I cant read it
theres no words on it
there’s no words there

to play us out
what does that mean

to play us out
I dont know what that means

to play us out
what does that mean

to end the show?

go go

and that is

thats tomorrow
that is it for us today
and we will leave you with a

I cant do it
we’ll do it live
we’ll do it live
we’ll do it live!

fuck it
do it live!

thats tomorrow
that is it for us today

Im bill oreilly
thanks again for watching
we’ll leave you with

sting and a cut

off his new album

take it away

You Should Totally Waste Some Time Watching These Music Videos

I would like to assemble a panel of art critics who have never before been exposed to Go West’s ‘King of Wishful Thinking’ video to review this absurd and delightful artifact from 1980s humans. It really deserves far more attention than it’s gotten. I was reminded of it this morning by my friend Johnathan Woodward, who put it this way:

I sent it to friends Claire and Wes, who looped in Friend Mito.

CLAIRE: Oh my god what is this.
MITO: The keyboard guy at 1:01 and 1:43!!! SO GOOD.
MITO: Oh I get it. Are those kitchen sinks being tossed in at the end?
WES: It would make a pretty good musicless music video, I think.
WES: Wait, the Singin’ in the Rain one is better. Have you all seen it?

MITO: I love it. It’s even better than Phish Shreds:

WES: Ahh, I’ve never seen that before. I can’t stop laughing.


Introducing Crazy Distractions on the Internet Discovered by Reeve

Back in my halcyon days of youth, I enjoyed starting a random blog series every now and again. Like “Snippet from Stiles,” in which I’d quote my then-boyfriend Matty out of context. Or “Impact Players,” a Q & A with a behind-the-scenes person in Texas politics who actually did a lot of heavy lifting. Since I haven’t really grown up, it’s time to start another random series. We’ll call it, “Crazy Distractions on the Internet Discovered by Reeve.”

He's keeping an eye on the internets for you, the people.

Reeve is my pal from Austin. Our connection dates to 2009, when I issued a call across the Texas Senate press table for someone to go eat with me at two in the afternoon. Reeve immediately said yes, and our friendship was born over bad tacos at an El Chilito that closed down and reopened briefly, only to close down again. I later discovered that Reeve enjoys a free meal even more than I do, which is pretty impressive.

Reeve is also about five years younger than me and therefore hip. So I count on Reeve to use his slacking off time at work to discover viral videos, music or any other assorted nonsense that he will then share with me. This has gone on for awhile now. I would not know about the three-year-old who wants to be governor of New Jersey without him. More importantly, I wouldn’t know about the internet sensation that is Rebecca Black’s “Friday” without Reeve, so our connection is both a blessing and a curse.

Since Reeve is pretty consistent in sharing his internet distractions with me, I will start sharing them with you, in the form of our new series. Says Reeve of this idea, “”I cannot fathom why Elise thinks this is worthwhile.”

This week’s distractions:

Stephen Colbert sings Rebecca Black’s Friday for charity, which Reeve calls “epic.”

An oldie but a goodie, featuring a wide array of artists singing “Perfect Day”

And since this is the inaugural post in our series, Reeve suggests you watch what he calls “the greatest YouTube video of all time,” in which this guy, Guy, is there for a job interview and they accidentally bring him on as an expert after some Apple lawsuit so he has no idea what’s going on but he soldiers through.