GAAAH I can’t help myself, I’m just going to say it: Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. It’s about the ways that technology changes how we see ourselves. It’s something I’ve been exploring for years now, both in my reporting, and in my book, Flawless: Lessons in Looks and Culture from the K-Beauty Capital. What does it mean when we so often see ourselves through the lens of our phones or computers? What if the way we look in the real world somehow feels less real or doesn’t live up to the image we have of ourselves in our digital life? Here’s the talk, which gets at these questions.
Month: January 2025
I Heart LA
The skies are clear today, making the contrast between the giant plumes of smoke out my window so striking against blue skies.
My home is in on LA’s Westside near the coast, but not in a canyon or the hills, which are the two types of places most threatened by the multiple fires that broke out this week. The cause of these fires is under investigation, but we know they are fueled by those unpredictable Santa Ana winds. Of those winds, I’m reminded of Joan Didion’s writing, in Slouching Towards Bethlehem:
“It is hard for people who have not lived in Los Angeles to realize how radically the Santa Ana figures in the local imagination. The city burning is Los Angeles’s deepest image of itself. Nathaniel West perceived that, in The Day of the Locust, and at the time of the 1965 Watts riots what struck the imagination most indelibly were the fires. For days one could drive the Harbor Freeway and see the city on fire, just as we had always known it would be in the end. Los Angeles weather is the weather of catastrophe, of apocalypse, and, just as the reliably long and bitter winters of New England determine the way life is lived there, so the violence and the unpredictability of the Santa Ana affect the entire quality of life in Los Angeles, accentuate its impermanence, its unreliability. The winds shows us how close to the edge we are.”
On Monday, my friend Morgan and I were eating lunch out on a patio, soaking in the beautiful weather and feeling guilty that we had it so good in LA, while so much of the rest of the country was buried under snow and sleet. (Morgan is now out on fire lines reporting for NBC News.)
By Tuesday, winds had shifted and picked up so fast that the speed of spreading wildfires was measured in miles per hour. On that day, the largest of the many fires in LA county, the Palisades Fire, burned to ashes the neighborhood where my partner Rob and his family grew up. The humans are safe, but so much property is wiped out. The post office where his sister mailed her college applications. Where they bought their Thanksgiving turkey every year. Where they rode their bikes. (Rob’s sister Joanna wrote heart-wrenchingly of this, for The New York Times.)
Below is video of the Palisades Village part of Pacific Palisades, on Tuesday night at sunset.
On Wednesday morning, I awoke to a message asking whether I could be on Morning Edition in 20 minutes. Before I went to sleep the night before, I had reached out to my old colleagues at NPR on the national desk, which is the desk that springs into action in a disaster. By the time I woke up, the editors of this metastasizing story were hungry for more coverage and I frankly felt relieved to be able to pitch in to contribute. So far, between a near constant stream of spot news dispatched, I’ve reported on folks who lost their homes in Pasadena and the Palisades, and the extraordinary volunteer effort to aid during this disaster.
Thursday the girls were all home from school, as their classes were canceled. We held a morning meeting as a family to discuss how to help. Eva suggested fostering kitties, because she is a cat person. Luna suggested making sandwiches for those in need, which is something we do for displaced people at other times during the year. Our most anxious child, Isa said, “WHAT ABOUT US?! What if WE need to evacuate and our house burns down?” By evening, we had made the sack lunches for Covenant House, a shelter for displaced young people, and I delivered them to K-town since I was reporting in that neighborhood anyway. Seeing the outpouring of donations and community come together in this crisis moved me deeply; I love Los Angeles, I love all its shapes and sizes and colors and the faith folks have in this place and each other.

And folks on Instagram got us in touch with a woman in the Palisades who lost her home and needed to find shelter for their eight cats. Now we have Minx, a fire victim and evacuee, at our house.
Friday, thanks to enduring relationships with NPR producers, Janet W. Lee, who happened to be in town, mixed our K-town piece while I tried to keep the kids occupied, as schools remain closed. By evening, Rob’s mom, who thought she was okay to head back to her Brentwood house, had to heed the warnings to stay out of the mandatory evacuation zone, for the officials had instituted a dusk to dawn curfew, which remains in effect.
What a year this week has been. There is no one in this county of 10 million that doesn’t know someone who lost everything. The scale of this disaster will change this special place forever. We count ourselves among the fortunate ones. Still cozy, in our own homes, with our creatures, and with all the food and water and power we need. Please consider giving to these aid organizations, which my friend and fellow Angeleno Chris Duffy shared this morning:
- A compiled list of families affected by the Eaton fire that you can support directly
- Mutual Aid LA Network (MALAN) Fire & Wind Storm Resources
- Stand Up for Standups – specifically for comedians who need support, fill out this form
- Inclusive Action – a fund for open-air workers who have lost all their income
- The LA Food Bank is always a great resource and a wonderful place to donate or volunteer
- SELAH does great work year-round and is specifically helping unhoused folks during this brutal period of time to be living outside
- LA Works is keeping an updated list of volunteer needs throughout the area.
My 35 Books of 2024

It feels like 2024 was the year of the divorce memoir, and a lot of them written by people in my age cohort, so I ended up reading a lot of stories of miserable marriages and disappointing partners. I know everyone was wild for All Fours, but I only liked it in bits because I found the main character really tough to relate to(?). Overall, I’m pleased that the vast majority of my reading was by women authors, but in 2025 I need to do some work on reading more fiction, again.
I did a lot of reading for work. I began hosting Forever35 and we are fortunate to have brilliant authors on as guests, so even in cases where I read 95% of their books, I did not list them on my annual reading because I am devoted to the honesty and accuracy of these lists.
Favorites: Girlhood, Yolk, What Looks Like Bravery, Thick, Margot’s Got Money Troubles, Big Fan, Heavy, I’m Glad My Mom Died, and Hollywood Con Queen.
Surprises: Britney Spears’ memoir was way better than I thought it would be. Anna K: A Love Story, which is a modern day retelling of Anna Karenina, was so much fun.
Discovery: I read a lot of books after meeting the author in person (what a privilege, I know) and a few that I learned about from my new friend, Traci Thomas, who hosts The Stacks podcast. She and I selected Interior Chinatown to read together for an episode of the podcast earlier in the year, and it was a delight to read and to gab about it after.
| 1 | Better By Far | Hazel Hayes |
| 2 | Entitled | Kate Manne |
| 3 | From Strength to Strength | Arthur Brooks |
| 4 | Body Work | Melissa Febos |
| 5 | You Made A Fool Of Death With Your Beauty | Akawe Emezi |
| 6 | Interior Chinatown | Charles Yu |
| 7 | Girlhood | Melissa Febos |
| 8 | The Woman in Me | Britney Spears |
| 9 | Splinters | Leslie Jamison |
| 10 | Yolk | Mary HK Choi |
| 11 | Hits, Flops and Other | Ed Zwick |
| 12 | Anna K: A Love Story | Jenny Lee |
| 13 | The 2 Hour Cocktail Party | Nick Gray |
| 14 | Lessons in Chemistry | Bonnie Garmus |
| 15 | Thanks for Waiting | Doree Shafrir |
| 16 | How to Raise an Adult | Julie Lythcott-Haims |
| 17 | I’m Mostly Here to Enjoy Myself | Glynnis MacNichol |
| 18 | Die Hot with a Vengeance: Essays on Vanity | Sable Yong |
| 19 | Horse Barbie | Geena Rocero |
| 20 | I Hope This Finds You Well | Kate Baer |
| 21 | What Looks Like Bravery | Laurel Braitman |
| 22 | Toward Eternity | Anton Hur |
| 23 | Thick |
Tressie McMillan Cottom
|
| 24 | All Fours | Miranda July |
| 25 | This American Ex Wife | Lyz Lenz |
| 26 | Stay True | Hua Hsu |
| 27 | More, Please | Emma Specter |
| 28 | Margot’s Got Money Troubles | Rupi Thorpe |
| 29 | Troubling A Star | Madeleine L’Engle |
| 30 | Big Fan | Alexandra Romanoff |
| 31 | Hollywood Con Queen | Scott Johnson |
| 32 | Heartburn | Nora Ephron |
| 33 | I’m Glad My Mom Died | Jeanette McCurdy |
| 34 | Heavy | Kiese Laymon |
| 35 | Liars | Sarah Manguso |
If you’re interested in picking up any of these titles, a reminder that I have a page on Bookshop.org with my 2024 reads, and every book you purchase on Bookshop.org supports independent bookstores.
Previous Years in Reading
Deck The Balls, The West Coast Revivals

A humble party I threw together in 2012 back in Washington DC has now turned into a mega-event in my LA backyard. In its original conception, Deck the Balls was an intimate ball-themed potluck/competition in which guests would bring ball-shaped foods to pair with the penis shaped gingerbread cookies my ex-husband Matty and I made each Christmas, as a couple. (I totally forgot about this cookie connection until I read the original Deck The Balls post, thank goodness for this blog). Prizes were awarded in three categories (best salty, best sweet, and most creative), and my friends all BROUGHT IT.
Fast forward to 2023, when I had moved to a new house in LA and had yet to throw a backyard bash in my backyard, which is actually an ideal backyard for parties. So just in time for the holidays, I brought back Deck the Balls! This time, the West Coast Edition. Deck the Balls turned into an epic 100 guest affair, complete with the original spherical food potluck competition (and instead of just me as judge, there was secret balloting among attendees), and the crucial addition of The Yarns, my go-to party band led by my friend Matt, my partner Rob, and featuring the saxophone skills of my dear friend Sam Sanders. The Yarns have played my Black Tie and/or Pajamas Birthday Party, and now, TWO Deck the Balls events, so they’re basically my house band. The best part of bringing back Deck the Balls was that original attendees from the DC edition, Matt Thomps and Bryan Tradup, DROVE DOWN from SF to attend! They are the only two guests who have attended every Deck the Balls that was ever tossed.

Last year, the ball innovations included chicken pot pie, but as balls. Omusubi, but as balls. Spicy Numbing Mala Rice Balls won in the savory category, and Friend Tim’s Chocolate Bourbon Balls won in the sweet category. Bryan, who had cooked chicken meatballs from Costco just for funsies, actually WON in the “Balls I Just Like Licking” category, but was sleeping through the election results, somehow, right behind the band’s backdrop.
The vibes at these events are unmatched. The live music is electric and wonderful thanks to such talented musicians among my friends. This year I couldn’t squeeze in the party before leaving for two weeks in Taiwan, so Deck The Balls was thrown as a New Year’s Eve event. New Years involves ball dropping, so, why not! Amid a doggie emergency (our pup Oscar was operated on earlier in the day, more on that later), we were still committed to convening friends and loved ones. So glad we did. Jotting down a few special little moments from last night so I don’t forget:
- Friend Shay squeezing melon-sized grapefruits (sent from McAllen, Texas by my friend Skyler), by hand, for our signature cocktail: Sparkling Paloma
- Matt Thompson getting called up literally 30 seconds before having to swing Twist and Shout, learning the key, and totally crushing it. Or as the kids say, he ATE IT UP!
- Lindsay showing me a photo of the painting that Friend Alex painted of her and instantly tearing up, so moved was I about this art and how clearly Alex saw Lindsay
- Rob showing his sons the food laid out on the tables and then reading, of one of the snacks: “Corn Puff Crack. [Pause]. Don’t do crack.”
- My high school graduation tea co-host Chrissy’s little brother, who I had never met, showing up to the party and suddenly recognizing it was him after lingering on his face for a moment and seeing his sister’s features in his face
- Ailsa and Blake’s exuberance and joy, dancing along to the live band
- Matt and Lindsay singing along to Always Be My Baby, not just the main tracks but also how they knew EVERY backup track too, and harmonized
- Hot Rob and Sam making music together to “You Never Can Tell,” and Sam and Misty on At Last was magical
- Losing my voice earlier in the day and persuading the doctor to give me steroids so I could make it through the party.
I’m sure more will come to me later, but I’m just so full of joy after hosting friends and hopefully, helping connect people to each other. Happy 2025 and let’s hug one another tight through whatever is to come.


