Category: Awesome People

2025 Year In Review: La La Land

Posted on by Elise
All podcasts are video now.

I began writing this after a relentless 24 hours of miserable news. Another mass shooting on a college campus, a massacre of Australian Jews on the first night of Hanukkah, the stabbing deaths of legendary Hollywood director Rob Reiner and his wife, Michelle, in their home, by their adult son. The barrage of bad news in a concentrated period is not unlike the rest of this year, which started with my home of Los Angeles ablaze on the West side and the East side, in the mountains and along the coast. Elon Musk dismantled global food and medical aid like he was just dusting off dirt from his shoulder, and hundreds of thousands of children are dying as a result. And by summer, we were the first of many cities to face brutal ICE raids and effectively, kidnappings, and occupied by National Guard troops, sent by a president who views more than half this country and its millions of immigrants as his enemies.

In the midst of all this misery we still have jobs to do and bills to pay and children to raise. Compared to last year’s recap, this one feels decidedly more dreary. We’re in this time of both frequent natural disaster and self-inflicted national crisis (how is there still no meaningful gun control, it’s a known public health epidemic)!

One of my responses this year has been to create more art and try and make an impact and better connects people or deepens understanding. In the pursuit of generative work, I’ve enjoyed a very “LA” year, both spending more time living here and not traveling as much, and engaging in its entertainment industry. I went to the Oscars for the first time, finished writing the screenplay version of FLAWLESS (though it later died in development, and have spent more than 30 days on location, co-directing a documentary. It features four kids who either lost their homes or were displaced by January’s fires. They range in age from 12 to 17, and I’ve essentially taken on four other kids this year to text with and check up on, in order to embed with their families for mundanities and milestones. By this time next year, I hope we will have a finished film — WINDSWEPT. We need help funding it, so pitch in if you can.

Directing WINDSWEPT on Christmas Tree Lane, Altadena

And without further yapping, herewith a recap of my 2025.

Favorite Creator of the Year: Luke Holloway, the guy who turns awkward Tinder conversations into smash hit songs, none of which were bigger than “I have one daughter,” (no shade to K-Pop Demon Hunters)

Favorite Interview of the Year: Pooh Bear, the prolific music producer known for hits with Justin Bieber, among many many others. While we were on stage, he took a concept from the crowd and straight up wrote a hook and post-hook for it within three minutes, then challenged the AI tool Suno to do the same, “in the style of Poo Bear.” And right there on stage we all felt the ineffable quality of humanness in the actual human’s song, showing that at least for now, AI is still pretty mid. CLOSE SECOND: Stacey Abrams, who revealed how much she loves the Amazon TV show, Reacher.

New Places: The Narrows in Zion National Park, Jacksonville, Deadwood, SD, the Angeles National Forest

Favorite Films: Sinners, Rental Family, Splitsville

Firsts: Attending the Oscars, speaking at the Met, TED Talk launch, hosting a podcast for the BBC, pitching networks on my documentary, finishing a screenplay and getting paid for it, a Luchador show in Mexico City, inducing dog vomiting, finding a dead bird in my bed that the cat brought in.

Nerdiest Accomplishment: I won $10 in a category of my tennis pool. We bet on the four majors by picking players seeded 1-10, 11-20 and an unseeded player and see how they fare.

Live Show of the Year: Labiahead, the all-woman Radiohead tribute band featuring Lena TKTK and Charlene Kaye, who is also…

New Friend of the Year: Charlene Kaye. She’s a comedian and musician … a musical comedian. We met through my book, Flawless. She read it and reached out over Instagram, we became Instagram-friendly for a couple years, and this year I pitched her for a TED Talk and in November, she absolutely brought the house down as she closed out TEDNext with her performance-slash-talk that I cannot wait to share once it’s released. CLOSE SECOND: Jena Friedman, another uproariously funny comedian whose hourlong special, MotherF*cker, is a must-see if you can get a ticket.

Most Thrilling Sport Match/Game of the Year: It’s a tie between Game Seven of the World Series and the Men’s Final of the French Open, a grueling five-hour slugfest in which Carlos Alcaraz clawed his way back from two (or was it three) Championship points to best his rival Jannik Sinner,

And in no particular order, this year I:

Joined a hip new coworking space
Started filling in on KCRW’s Press Play
Became the mom of a teen
Covered the costliest natural disaster in global history
Fostered a cat fire survivor
Started filming a documentary
Joined the board of the Birthday Party Project
Hosted a medical podcast
Began hosting a weekly parenting podcast
Twice endured a live mouse in my house that the cat dragged in
Sat in the very front row of the Hollywood Bowl, something all should experience
Saw so much live music: Nelly, Ja Rule, Eve, KC of KC and Jojo, Keith “Babyface” Edmonds, Labiahead, Samora Pinderhughes and the Healing Project Choir, Joshua Bell and the Chamber Orchestra of America
Went to Mexico City with friends for my birthday, got violently ill, then had to endure a full body massage while having the chills and on the precipice of explosive diarrhea at any moment
Got my book and my podcast shouted out (on separate occassions) in the NY Times
Saw the Japanese edition of my book hit shelves
Got sharked by Mark Cuban for a speaking engagement
Decided to shut down our small business started with my girlfriends
Moved in with my man, well, actually, he moved in with us
Won a $35,000 grant for our documentary
Spent a countless number of hours in volleyball gyms and on soccer sidelines, as two out of three of my girls are on travel teams
Ran 149 miles, still way down from my COVID-era highs, but played a lot of tennis
Read 33 books
Wrote 25 newsletter dispatches
Flew 38,097 miles to 25 cities, three countries and spent 66 days away from home

PREVIOUS YEARS IN REVIEW

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Deck The Balls, The West Coast Revivals

Posted on by Elise
Some of the hundreds (thousands?) of balls from Deck the Balls ’24.

A humble party I threw together in 2012 back in Washington DC has now turned into a mega-event in my LA backyard. In its original conception, Deck the Balls was an intimate ball-themed potluck/competition in which guests would bring ball-shaped foods to pair with the penis shaped gingerbread cookies my ex-husband Matty and I made each Christmas, as a couple. (I totally forgot about this cookie connection until I read the original Deck The Balls post, thank goodness for this blog). Prizes were awarded in three categories (best salty, best sweet, and most creative), and my friends all BROUGHT IT.

Fast forward to 2023, when I had moved to a new house in LA and had yet to throw a backyard bash in my backyard, which is actually an ideal backyard for parties. So just in time for the holidays, I brought back Deck the Balls! This time, the West Coast Edition. Deck the Balls turned into an epic 100 guest affair, complete with the original spherical food potluck competition (and instead of just me as judge, there was secret balloting among attendees), and the crucial addition of The Yarns, my go-to party band led by my friend Matt, my partner Rob, and featuring the saxophone skills of my dear friend Sam Sanders. The Yarns have played my Black Tie and/or Pajamas Birthday Party, and now, TWO Deck the Balls events, so they’re basically my house band. The best part of bringing back Deck the Balls was that original attendees from the DC edition, Matt Thomps and Bryan Tradup, DROVE DOWN from SF to attend! They are the only two guests who have attended every Deck the Balls that was ever tossed.

The Yarns featuring Sam Sanders at Deck the Balls ’23. Rob was seated and obscured bc he was still in an ankle boot from the “Parkour in a Bouncy House” injury of 2023.

Last year, the ball innovations included chicken pot pie, but as balls. Omusubi, but as balls. Spicy Numbing Mala Rice Balls won in the savory category, and Friend Tim’s Chocolate Bourbon Balls won in the sweet category. Bryan, who had cooked chicken meatballs from Costco just for funsies, actually WON in the “Balls I Just Like Licking” category, but was sleeping through the election results, somehow, right behind the band’s backdrop.

The vibes at these events are unmatched. The live music is electric and wonderful thanks to such talented musicians among my friends. This year I couldn’t squeeze in the party before leaving for two weeks in Taiwan, so Deck The Balls was thrown as a New Year’s Eve event. New Years involves ball dropping, so, why not! Amid a doggie emergency (our pup Oscar was operated on earlier in the day, more on that later), we were still committed to convening friends and loved ones. So glad we did. Jotting down a few special little moments from last night so I don’t forget:

  • Friend Shay squeezing melon-sized grapefruits (sent from McAllen, Texas by my friend Skyler), by hand, for our signature cocktail: Sparkling Paloma
  • Matt Thompson getting called up literally 30 seconds before having to swing Twist and Shout, learning the key, and totally crushing it. Or as the kids say, he ATE IT UP!
  • Lindsay showing me a photo of the painting that Friend Alex painted of her and instantly tearing up, so moved was I about this art and how clearly Alex saw Lindsay
  • Rob showing his sons the food laid out on the tables and then reading, of one of the snacks: “Corn Puff Crack. [Pause]. Don’t do crack.”
  • My high school graduation tea co-host Chrissy’s little brother, who I had never met, showing up to the party and suddenly recognizing it was him after lingering on his face for a moment and seeing his sister’s features in his face
  • Ailsa and Blake’s exuberance and joy, dancing along to the live band
  • Matt and Lindsay singing along to Always Be My Baby, not just the main tracks but also how they knew EVERY backup track too, and harmonized
  • Hot Rob and Sam making music together to “You Never Can Tell,” and Sam and Misty on At Last was magical
  • Losing my voice earlier in the day and persuading the doctor to give me steroids so I could make it through the party.

I’m sure more will come to me later, but I’m just so full of joy after hosting friends and hopefully, helping connect people to each other. Happy 2025 and let’s hug one another tight through whatever is to come.

Christina, me, Jon and Shay. (Jon and I share dislocating our shoulders a lot, in common)

The Big TED 2024

Posted on by Elise
Chatting with Alex and Esther as Reggie Watts gave his TED Talk

What I remember about TED 2024: AI. AI. AI. The sun’s unpredictable activity might lead us into a mini-ice age that could last 70 years, but we don’t know because we don’t know enough about the sun. Something about fusion and fission. Quantum computing speaker went on stage with sunglasses on top of his head that he wears at all times. A gorgeous talk in Mandarin by Chinese artist Cai Guo Qiang, which, thanks to AI, allowed his own voice to do the Mandarin-to-English translation of the talk in real time, as he was giving it. Controversy about Bill Ackman getting to do a TED Talk, only he ended up not giving one but sitting for a vague Q and A instead. I met my shero, Monica Lewinsky, after looking all over for her for days. She was wearing blue.

A Reflection on Blogging (For Friend Matt’s Birthday)

Posted on by Elise

I largely moved my correspondence with you to my Substack newsletter, which meant going many months without posting on HeyElise last year. But I’ll keep this blog going indefinitely because blogging is near and dear to me. It’s a practice I began on LiveJournal in The Year 2000, moved over to Xanga in college (imported many of those Xanga posts here to HeyElise), and by the time I graduated from Mizzou, I’d made Blogger my home. I called my blog 67 Degrees with a 40% Chance of Rain, a line from Waiting for Guffman. All my journalism school friends were on Blogger back then and as a result, some of my deepest friendships were built and sustained by linking out to one another’s blogs on blogrolls found on the right or left rails of our pages, allowing us to easily keep up with one another and form community.

During my Blogger period, Matt Mullenweg, who is a couple years younger than me, was dropping out of college to co-create WordPress, which is now the world’s leading blogging platform, and has been for quite some time. I wound up going through a Moveable Type era between 2006-2009 for my (sadly not archived) KVUE work blog until I finally, finally, became a WordPress blogger in 2009, which was the most consequential year of my life in many ways. I left television news, the only career I’d known, to take a risk helping found an untested digital startup (The Texas Tribune), and I got engaged. It made sense that year to move over to the far-and-away most reliable place for my musings, photo albums, catalogs of my peccadilloes, etc.

Since first randomly meeting Matt in 2011 (at some event I only attended because I heard there was free barbecue), we have shared hundreds (nay, thousands?) of links and articles and books and story ideas with one another, which have changed or expanded my thinking and as a result, who I am. We’ve bonded over meals, laughs and beverages in Austin, DC, New York, Houston, Las Vegas, San Francisco, Seattle, Costa Rica, London, Vancouver and a few times in Seoul. He is a loyal friend, popping down to Central America for my 30th, and I somehow made it to Vegas for one of his birthday’s despite having just given birth to Eva and I almost wound up pumping breastmilk in the bathroom at Tao. He is also a most generous host, and an in-kind supporter of the Flawless book tour last year, hosting me at his places in Houston and San Fran, which arguably made those stops possible. The older I get the more meaningful my old connections are to me, and it warms my heart that our friendship has endured so many of our individual eras.

Matt is the reason I journal on Day One, appreciate Japanese toilets and Yvon Chouinard, and why I’m on the board of Grist, a crew that that has come to feel like a family. He’s also the reason I wrote this blog post, because tomorrow is his birthday and in lieu of gifts he wanted us to blog. I’m delighted for this reason to post. Happy 40th, Matt! (Getting a little long in the tooth, buddy.;))

2023 in Review: Hard Launched

Posted on by Elise

“There are years that ask questions and years that answer.”

― Zora Neale Hurston, Their Eyes Were Watching God

On book release day at CNN in New York, reacting live to host Richard Quest in a Korean jimjilbang

It was the year of Taylormania, the year of ongoing wars and displacement, the hottest year on record (and climbing), the year of Ozempic, the year artificial intelligence advances demonstrated astonishing capabilities and triggered serious concerns. Life comes at you fast. Faster than we can humanly process, I think. The AI field is apparently advancing three times faster than Moore’s Law (in other words, doubling capabilities and speed every six months). In the US, the year started with 17 excruciating ballots to elect Kevin McCarthy as Speaker of the House and it’s ending with him not even serving in the House anymore.

The podcasting industry (ahem, my industry) got clobbered. Companies folded. Spotify laid off hundreds and killed its in-house podcast units, and my longtime employers in public radio laid off swaths of talent. The film industry effectively went on hiatus this summer as both the unions for screenwriters and actors went on strike, which, living in Los Angeles, I saw in my backyard. I even joined in the picketing with my screenwriter partner, until the stalemate with the studios finally, finally came to an end.

My year was about giving my heart and soul to launching and touring my first book. Energy and love came back to me in surprising, rewarding, heartfelt ways. Superstars moderated book talks with me in cities across the country and most recently, in Hong Kong. People like my tax accountant, high school prom date, and my former and current bosses all showed up. I had the great honor of being invited on national broadcasts and podcasts and featured in magazines. I met and corresponded with thousands of readers directly, who shared similar desires to resist factory-issued beauty culture and stand up for bodily autonomy and liberation. Friends and readers, I cannot say thank you enough.

Photo credit: Sarah Makki for LAist

Favorite TED Talks: Research-backed ways to manage pain. Dr. Becky, on repair.

Best gift: Rob wrote me a song about all my paradoxes and performed it with his band at my birthday party

Favorite Film: Past Lives

Firsts: Picket line. Ketamine treatment. Book release. Book tour. Writing a film treatment. Mahjong.

Disappointments: Facebook page got hacked and they couldn’t restore years of photos and videos. Not enough newborn meetups! Have my friends all stopped having little babies?! My opinion piece for the New York Times got spiked at the last minute. I missed my BFF Sudeep’s wedding party in DC because of schedule conflicts.

New cities: Yosemite National Park, though I suppose it’s not a city. Ensenada in Baja California, famous for its blowhole. Isa observed this natural phenomenon sandwiched by Mennonites, which she didn’t even notice because she was so mesmerized by the blowhole.

Isa in Ensenada

Notable New Friend: Janet Yang, who is a force in the entertainment industry, the current head of the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences, and walks the walk when it comes to Asian representation and excellence. She’s opened the doors to a network of badass Asian women that I admire and feel fortified and nourished by.

With Janet at one of her mahjong parties

Fave Tennis Player: Daniil Medvedev — he’s blunt, he’s precise, he is genuine. He’s had an incredible year. He has gawky fluidity and a smothering wingspan. All I’ve ever wanted is gawky fluidity. All I have ever been is gawky.

Favorite podcast episode: Radiolab’s episode, The Seagulls, on how same sex behavior is far more common in the animal kingdom than scientists thought. It’s evolutionarily adaptive. Here’s a WaPo story on the same idea.

Purchases and practices that fed me:

  • Iced Honey Lavender Latte from Love Coffee Bar, in LA’s Mar Vista neighborhood. So creamy and so delicious. It better be, because it’s $7.50, not counting the tip.
  • Making Ram-Don, the instant noodle+steak combo popularized in a crucial scene in Parasite. Maangchi teaches it best.
  • Xirena white button down, and I liked it so much I got the same shirt in black

In no particular order, this year I…

Was in the live audience of The Masked Singer, a longtime bucket list item
Released my first book
Toured the book in 14 cities
Sold the film rights to said book(!)
Started a documentary project related to the book
Went to the pop culture event of the year: The Eras Tour
Learned how to play mahjong (poorly)
Dislocated my shoulder (again)
Appeared on 38 podcasts (including three of them I host)
Met two K-pop groups at KCON at the Staples center
Trained 24 times with my personal trainer neighbor two houses down
Got my neck and back cracked three times
Tried ketamine at a sub-anesthetic dose
Threw three big parties, including Deck the Balls, my ball-themed potluck and attended lots of book parties for Flawless and all the food was delicious
Met a member of Mac Sabbath, the McDonald’s+Black Sabbath tribute band
Saw a lot of artists perform live: Depeche Mode, Taylor Swift, Gracie Abrams, HAIM, Rain, XG, ATEEZ
Hosted a parade of friends at my house: Matt Thompson. And Bryan Tradup. And Pamela. And Lawrence and his family. And our staffer Mary. And my unstoppable actor friend Mari.
Returned to Asia for the first time in two years
Went to Washington DC five times
Read 28 books, reviewed a few of them
Attended two weddings: New York (Pamela and Jeff), DC (amy and Alli)
Flew 51,493 miles to 18 cities, five countries and spent 71 days away from home
Reunited with my brother in Hong Kong and visited my parents in Taipei

PREVIOUS YEARS IN REVIEW

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2022 In Review: The Write Life

Posted on by Elise

This was the year the pandemic felt “over” enough that everyone I know began jet-setting again (curiously it seemed like the aforementioned “everyone” summered in Italy?). For me, as accustomed as I am to constant movement, I spent much of 2022 alone, writing from my bed. The deadline to turn in the book nearly flattened me and I wrote much of FLAWLESS in what felt like a semi-conscious state. But for the tireless researchers and interpreters and fact-checkers who kept me going, that book would not be finished.

Totally 90’s 40th Birthday

I turned 40 in the small window of time after a major Omicron wave and before Russia waged an unprovoked war on Ukraine. Friends from seven cities across the country flew in and donned costumes for my 1994-themed party, because in retrospect my 6th and 7th grade years represented points in culture that lasted with me a lifetime. (Yellow Ledbetter, anybody?!) In the final minutes of that most merry and warm celebration, the lights went out on all of Abbott Kinney, the much-frequented, boutique-filled party drag in Venice. We read it as a sign that we properly captured all the energy on the block that night. I desperately clung to that serendipity and energy through 2022, especially the night of the midterm elections which … hoo boy, what a relief.

There’s so much I wish I would have captured better, but I really spent so much of this year just participating in life as fully as I could, and trying to keep up with my children after losing my long time nanny and friend and housekeeper, whose absence is felt every moment in our house.

Interviews That Will Stay With Me: With Daniel Pink about how understanding our regrets teaches what we value the most in life. With Pico Iyer, on the meaning of home, and the strangers who make a lasting impact on us. With Julissa Arce about her book, You Sound Like a White Girl, a case against assimilation. With Dr. Becky Kennedy, about connection-first parenting. A celebration of Girls Generation and their legacy.

Pop Culture That Got Me Through: The January 6 Hearings, seriously must watch TV. Better Call Saul. Sheng Wang’s comedy special. Fire Island.

Favorite TED Talks: Shankar Vendantam, about how our future selves are strangers to us. And Dan Harris, on loving ourselves to truly love others.

Proudest Moment: My littlest one, Luna, being chosen by her classmates to give her preschool graduation speech in Mandarin and absolutely nailing it.

Nerdiest Accomplishment: Becoming a USA Today crossword puzzle clue! 13 Down, Journalist Hu

Favorite New Friends: Doree Shafrir. Dan Pink. Zach Woods.

Products I loved: The Grapefruit Mangosteen candle from Enlighten Candles. Boba Milk Tea mochi candies. My new Nissan Leaf. The AstroPoets substack.

Disappointments: The Butter Tortilla scented candle from HEB. Honest Tea is folding?! The Elon takeover of Twitter. Conversations with Friends, the series. That trash Harry Styles+Florence Pugh movie.

Firsts: Consuming an ostrich egg, encounter with a Zonkey (a zebra-donkey), Costco vacation, becoming an NFT, selling my own NFT, fight with Hot Rob, having a back house, visiting TV writers rooms, attending the big TED.

In no particular order, this year I…

Attended three weddings, in person
Swam with dolphins
Bought a house and sold a house in the same week
Ripped and replaced the insides of the house inside of a month
Made back-to-back trips to Texas and consumed so much queso and P Terrys
Talked TSA into letting me take 16oz of queso through in my carry-on
Read books with second graders every Tuesday
Took tennis lessons every week
Sprained my foot, but just at home, not from tennis
Glamped in the Santa Ynez Valley
Hard launched my man/mancrush of 2+(!) years by having him play Who Said That? on NPR
Hung out with my parents a lot — they lived in the guest house for four months of the year
Saw our podcast company double its revenue
Got an electric car
Learned how to TikTok from my child
Advised two TV writers rooms
Enjoyed a lot of live music again: Leon Bridges, DEVO, Lisa Loeb, The Violent Femmes, even … Wilson Phillips(!), a real full circle moment since its greatest hits figured in that 1990s-themed birthday party, naturally
Adjusted to parenting alone after our nanny of seven years went home
Traveled 25,228 miles to three countries, 13 cities, and spent 40 days away from home
Became a set mom and hung out in motorhomes on location for a week, wondering what I’m doing with my life
Read 19 books in full, but started six others
Finished writing my book, oh my god.
Saw it in print, as a galley anyway

PREVIOUS YEARS IN REVIEW

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Yani

Posted on by Elise
The girls — Luna, Eva and Isa — on the beach with Yani, June 2022.

There is a real tedium and grinding labor to parenting small children. It involves hassles like bottle washing, endless loads of laundry, or contorting your body to pick up the crayon that fell underneath the plane seat in front of you, again and again and again. For the past seven years, most of that labor has been borne by Yani, our caretaker, cook, cleaner, pet sitter, gardener, travel companion, and friend.

Born and raised in East Java, Indonesia, on lush farmland that grows bananas, papayas and other fruit, Yani moved abroad when she was 18 to take on more lucrative work than she could find near home. She worked as a domestic helper in Singapore, then returned to Indonesia briefly to await another placement, which led her to Taichung, Taiwan, caring for my grandparents. My grandma taught her to speak Mandarin and to make all kinds of Northern Chinese dishes and dumplings from scratch.

She ended her stint in Taiwan after a few years to return to Indonesia, where she got married and eventually had a baby, in 2015. That year, I gave birth to Isabel, in Seoul, and, given my unpredictable travel schedule as a foreign correspondent, needed additional help at home. We filed papers to sponsor Yani’s visa and boom, one day she arrived at Incheon, dazed and confused from a long flight, moved in with us in our 35th floor apartment, and instantly charged with the most tedious tasks of caring for a newborn, save for nursing, which only I could do. Luna arrived less than two years later. Yani has nurtured Luna since before she was born.

Yani and Luna in the kitchen in Seoul, summer 2018. My memories of Luna during that time were always of her plopped on a counter.

As we transitioned from a family of four, to a family of five, traveled constantly across the Asia region and beyond, hosted numerous guests and gatherings, marked birthdays, holidays, lost tooths, and other passages, grieved various cat goodbyes and welcomed new kittens, managed the international move to Los Angeles, two house moves since coming back, a COVID crisis, lockdown and the logistical hassles of divorcing amid a pandemic, Yani has stayed the steady presence.

She makes all the lunches, mops all the floors, cooks all the dinners, puts away all the groceries, waters all the plants, changes the litter, makes all the beds, and always knows where all the loveys are. She is the night time sitter when we all go on vacations, unpacks my suitcases every time I return from a trip, makes all the scallion pancakes from scratch.

She embodied so many different and significant roles, during the years I really built my career towards greater flexibility, and during crucial developmental time for the girls. It is no stretch to say my career, my children’s perspectives, and my life as i know it would not be possible with Yani. No one asks me “How do you do it all” because the answer is simple: Because I have Yani.

All dressed up and nowhere to go. Dressed up for dinner in lockdown, April 2020.

Thanks to my stint at NPR a few Thanksgivings ago, while I was nursing Luna, Yani was granted a business visa to come with me to the states, and it had five years on it, so she could come again when we moved here as a family. She has encountered so many places and people that she would never have otherwise, something she appreciates, as she likes to explore and expand her horizons. Quick to pick up languages, now she speaks Indonesian, and Mandarin, and English. But being with us has meant being away from her own family — namely her daughter Intan, who is seven, the same age as Isa. Yani’s visa is up next month, so Friday she goes home. My sadness that she’s leaving our family is streaked with a happiness she will reunite with her own.

No one carves up the leftover Thanksgiving turkey like Yani! Thanksgiving 2017, in Washington, DC.

My loved ones all worry for me, saying things like, “You are going to need to be on lithium” without “ayi,” which means auntie. I have stayed up late at night, wondering, how will we cope without her? Luna was so overwhelmed at our last Thanksgiving, knowing it would be Yani’s last, that while sharing our gratitude for Yani, Luna crawled under the dinner table and silently sniffed her stuffed bunny lovey.

The only option is to take it one day at a time. Though I will say, we’re so blessed to have had her for this long. The youngest is now five years old and can fend for herself in ways that were impossible just a year ago. And we’re beyond privileged to have had Yani at all.

Yani has braided so much hair over the past 7 years. Glamping, summer 2021.

40: This Is How We Do It

Posted on by Elise

I did it! I made it to 40! I feel so feted. As many of you probably know, I love a good theme party. In Austin I used to host a Weenie Roast (get your mind out of the gutter, we just grilled hot dogs and sausages), and in DC my most memorable Christmas party was “Deck the Balls,” a pot luck in which everyone had to bring ball-shaped foods. For my milestone birthday I thought, we have to do a costume party, because I believe every party should be a costume party, but how about one that’s reminiscent of the glory days …. the first formative parties of my youth — MIDDLE SCHOOL MIXERS.

Admiring the backpack on Lindsey.

This past weekend, to mark the 4-0, two dozen friends flew in from seven different cities to join my LA homies for totally rad bash, HU40: The Sixth Grade Mixer. (That is, my sixth grade year, so 1994-1995). The period-specific details that friends worked into their costumes absolutely bowled me over: Puka shell bracelets, yin yang chokers, backwards hats, beanies, leather backpack purses, bucket hats, brown lipstick, heavy eyeliner, scrunchies, Doc Martens, a “They Might Be Giants” t-shirt, a Nirvana t-shirt, a Rage Against the Machine t-shirt, a DARE hat, a sunflower dress, the list goes on. I wore a cropped argyle sweater vest with a plaid skirt, knee high socks and Mary Janes, but the real piece de resistance was the wide headband that I used to make that hair bump in the front.

We. Had. So. Much. Fun.

The DJ played all the hits. Wilson Phillips. UB40’s Red Red Wine. A lot of Ace of Base. Rump Shaker. And then my unstoppable, ridiculously talented friend and work spouse for life, Matt Thompson, worked it out with the DJ to break out a serenade-turned-group-sing of “Hold My Hand,” by Hootie and the Blowfish. Yes, yes, it happened. He put his whole heart into it.

Hold. My. Hand.

How long it had been since all of us have been together, and then to be able to sing together, too? It felt like a dream. Then, just as the party was wrapping up, the lights went out in the bar and on the entire block of Abbott Kinney (Venice’s storied and most famous street). Partygoers paid their final tabs by handwriting credit card numbers on Sharpie-drawn forms. What luck though, that the lights went out just as the party was ending instead of the other way around.

Later in the weekend the out of towners joined in for K-town KBBQ (divine), we did “squad fitness” with a hike in Brentwood followed by a trip to the Goop store (an unconventional stop on an LA tour). We have been eating and imbibing and catching up nonstop. No fights broke out, no one got injured, no one got stopped and questioned at the airport (which happened in Costa Rica after my 30th). A success all around.

I am full of gratitude and love and the deepest affection. My squad is the best squad. I’ve added a few photos from photographer Callie Biggerstaff but will update when more are edited and ready.

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TED 2021: Veni Vidi Vici

Posted on by Elise
Sitting under the outdoor simulcast tent with my chin diaper on is basically how I spent most of the TED sessions. Credit: Gilberto Tadday, TED

TED hired me to be the voice of its daily podcasts at the start of the pandemic, so that means this year’s in-person conference was my first chance to attend a non-virtual TED conference. To be fair, I’d been to TED Women in 2013, but this was the flagship co-ed TED. It was held in Monterey for many years until it moved to Vancouver and the organization started inviting 2,000 attendees, up from its much smaller origins.

Because of the pandemic’s continued foothold and worrying trends, this year TED’s main stage returned to its roots with a 500-person event in Monterey, California, a seaside hamlet where the skies are royal blue, the ocean water is crystal clear and the centuries-old cypress trees look like they jumped out from the pages of a children’s book. All attendees were required to show proof of vaccination upon check-in and immediately led to rapid testing. Once we had proof of both vaccinations and a negative test, we could participate.

Assorted notes and thoughts:

Idea Worth Spreading: I can’t stop thinking about a Canadian-woman named Isha’s talk about how we can raise meat CELLS in a lab instead of full-on chickens or livestock for protein consumption. That this would be so much smarter and sustainable and less cruel to animals, and the earth. Can’t wait for her talk to go up online, because as she says, “We are all philosophically vegetarians. We just don’t want to give up the tastiness of actual meat.” She has a solution for this.

Talk That Made Me Cry: Hrishikesh Hirway, the composer and musician who hosts Song Exploder. His podcast has musicians on to take apart their songs layer by layer and talk about them so that the final product gives us greater meaning and we can understand it more at the musician’s level. He did this for one of his own songs, on stage, and damn we all had chills.

Most Common Refrain: Some variation of “Oh wow, you are way taller than I realized,” which is what happens after I have only met so many people on Zoom over the past 18 months.

Snooty Snacks: Would it have killed them to have a snack station with just Wonder Bread and a bunch of Cheez-Its? Every snack was made of cauliflower or otherwise grain-free, and the drinks were all infused with gut-healthy tumeric or this or that.

Snack selection

Biggest Celebrity Sighting: Lizzo. I mean, obviously. She gave a talk about the history and the cultural importance of twerking and then got a bunch of boomers in the front row to try and shake their asses, which was really a thing to behold.

Most Meaningful Meeting: Illustrator Wendy MacNaughton. Maybe I had four tequilas in me, but I started crying when I got to meet “Wendy Mac” in person. She leads “Draw Together” art classes for kids, which I think she started rather impromptu as a way to give parents and kids something to do in the early weeks of the quarantine. I and our girls found it so meaningful and I’m so inspired by her energy, pluck and her brain. To meet her meant so much because I could thank her in person and she was every bit as gracious and fun as you would expect.

With Wendy Mac!

By the end, I was volun-told by the TED senior leadership to take part in the town hall, summarizing our takeaways from the conference. So I got to take the TED stage while super hungover and unshowered and stand inside the famous red dot on the stage, where speakers must stand in order to have the cameras capture them just right.

My Meta Takeaway, Shared From Stage: In one of the final sessions, the thinker and author Steven Johnson recounted how there was a fifty year(!) gap between Louis Pasteur’s breakthrough, lifesaving discovery of milk pasteurization and the wide adoption of it. That’s because it took fifty years of journalists, lawmakers and activists working to PERSUADE the public to buy into this. “Science on its own won’t produce meaningful change,” he said. “You need persuasion.” And if there’s a theme that emerged from many of the talks, it’s that the way we contextualize and explain information, the way we try and bridge individual differences or collaborate as a group to communicate, all of that is really important to cultural, societal solutions to problems.

The other metanarrative I am feeling is this: We should never take for granted the serendipity, surprise and connection that come from gathering in person. I met so many people in elevators, sitting under the simulcast tent and in the coffee line (I never drink coffee but made an exception at TED because the pour overs were so damn good). These connections will end up being longtime friends, in many cases. That’s so nourishing.

And so was the nature. We made time to go on a big group bike ride outdoors and see the host town. Felt like riding around in a postcard.

A small group bike ride was one of the off campus events offered for attendees in Monterey.

Thank you to everyone who pulled off the event this year and the science — testing and mRNA-powered vaccines — that made it possible for us to gather, together.

With my TED 2021 squad minus Harper, who took the photo. Xiaowei Wang, Tony Conrad, and moi.

The Best Pandemic Birthday

Posted on by Elise
Jenn (not pictured) and Drew (left) hosted one of two small, distanced birthday gatherings. Sam Sanders hosted night two, on a crazy windy night.

Hopefully this will be the only pandemic birthday. Seriously. But damn, I feel so overwhelmed by the birthday love.

I have made no secret of my despair and how excruciating I’ve found the past year to be. Knowing this, despite the distance, my dearest loved ones showed up in ways they could. My friends proved how well they know me by making sure my door didn’t stop ringing with food deliveries and found ways to socialize, within limits. Thank you for this haul:

An Olive Garden(!) gift certificate

A whale watching tour (where we saw two whales and HUNDREDS of dolphins when our boat came upon their pod)

A pineapple lychee boba from the San Gabriel Valley

Cupcakes and the best banana pudding, from Magnolia Bakery, delivered to my door

Two mini-cakes from my fave bakery, Angel Maid

A giant box of snacks, also delivered to the door

An outdoor, distanced get together hosted by Jenn and Drew

A second outdoor, distanced bday soiree hosted by Sam Sanders

A sushi dinner on my actual birthday, in Janet’s backyard

A giant strawberry cake from my daughters

A surprise Doordash delivery of seven(!) different boba teas and a shaved ice delivered straight to my door

A book about how to unleash my creativity using the tricks of advertising

Assorted cannabis gummies and chocolate

“Zhong Sauce,” which is apparently some amazing hot sauce you can put on anything

A “morning hangover cure” bottled beverage

To sum up: Enough sugar to plunge me straight into diabetes

And a personal message (and song) from Kato Kaelin, which topped everything.

Hundreds of dolphins danced by us on a whale watching tour